There is one skill we all have to develop besides our usual skills like talking, writing, action, thinking and listening. That is nothing but Refusal Skill. This skill is our ability to refuse what we really cannot execute that is really beyond our strength, we accept out of human respect or to please our higher officials, but we finally face the music of embarrassment and earn also bad name. It is very good to be avoided. For example if I am asked to lift an object that weighs 150 kilo, can I do it, even if I do like to it? It is irrelevant to quote here the usual saying, “What we cannot, no one else can. What others cannot, we can.” Some persons may have the skill to perform some difficult tasks but they may not have time to finish it in time. A few men say yes to many things at the same time because of close proximity but get caught for want of time and they are forced to miserable embarrassment. They earn only bad name. We should learn to measure and plan the time available before us and act accordingly. It is definite that both our mind and body will cooperate with us if we draw a clear time schedule before we start doing anything. When we refuse we must speak softly regretting inability to take up the work, and show our refusal quite clearly. In many families even before the husband opens his mouth to propose something, there comes expressions like. ‘No’, or ‘How can it be?’ resulting in violent anger and confusion. This should certainly be avoided. There are only a few who cannot understand when refusals are explained softly and clearly. Most of them will accept the inability of the others when explained gently. Even those above us in work places shall surely accept our refusal if our inability is explained in gentle and clear manner. When any responsibility is accepted, we should clearly explain the date by which it could be accomplished. I used to tell a few of my friends, “Take two days more than you need, but finish the task without any further delay.” If we are firm in that it will pave way for our progress and will make us grow. When we refuse and say “sorry ” or ‘‘no”, or “not possible” should not be out of slackness or fear or arrogance, but it should be to protect and save you and in this way learn this Refusal Skill and come up in life.
Translated by: Prof. S.F.N. Chelliah