My dear brothers and sisters at this venue, the widow remarriage you are about to witness after my speech is as usual, a part of our struggle to annihilate outdated customs and meaningless rituals; nothing that is unheard of. It is one more step towards our social reformation; another event stressing the dire need of absolute freedom for all our women on the earth. This occasion would highlight how beneficial women’s liberation is for the entire world.
Abolish conservatism
Just as eradication of untouchability needs only a progressive outlook, widow remarriages also need only a humanist attitude and true urge for social reformation. There is no need of sacrifices or sufferings of any sort. A determination to protest against conservatism is enough to promote widow remarriages in society. Widows have the right to lead a new life. Our men have been licensed to marry any number of times upon the passing away of one wife. They do have other alternatives as an outlet for their lust but the doors of happiness are mercilessly shut for a woman when her husband breathes his last. This dual standard continues to exist in society. Young men and women like you must fight against this cruel conservatism and abolish it. Men should come forward to accept widows as their better halves. That would be a great sign of humanism. Widow remarriage is neither an impossible reform, nor a heinous crime or an illegal offence. It is a noble task of liberating women from the shackles of conservatism.
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Submissive slaves
For centuries our women have been treated as if they were born only for servility. Men have been using them merely as store houses of pleasures. But a woman is more than flesh and blood. She makes a house, a home to exist peacefully. She is not an insensitive machine to be turned on and off mechanically as we please. She too is a human like all the men. How can this truth be ignored? I am surprised by the fact that in Tamil language we do not have a word that can mean a man who has lost his wife. In English we have the words ‘widow’ and ‘widower’, though their roots should be in a North Indian language. Ancient epics, scriptures and mythologies too do not offer any specific Tamil word for a man who has lost his wife. Probably this has made our menfolk arrogant enough to brush aside women as submissive slaves. Our people have not bothered even to coin a suitable word to refer to men who have lost their wife. It seems to be a sign of patriarchal audacity and a ploy of our menfolk.
Whither equality?
In today’s widow remarriage that you would be witnessing, the bride groom has a child begotten through his former wife and the bride too has a child through her former husband. I do not find anything undesirable or offensive in it. In an egalitarian society men and women ought to have equal rights. If not, naturally we must ask – “whither equality”?
This bridegroom here has deposited a sum of Rs.5,000/- in the account of this bride in order to enable her have atleast a tiny property. He has done this even before the marriage is declared by me as an approved bondage. I heartily commend this bridegroom here at this venue, for not only coming forward to remarry a widow but also for leaving a small monetary legacy for her protection. I gladly commend his humanistic act.
In several communities known to me the remarriage of divorcees have also become quite common these days. It is a sign of great reform in society. Divorce does not mean the end of one’s life. Some conservative hypocrites are against women remarrying after divorce. I severely condemn such hypocrites. Why do they talk big about equality if they cannot practice what they preach?
Preach and Practise
I did it in my personal life. I proudly inform all the invitees here that when the daughter of my sister lost her husband, I got her remarried off facing unbearable protests of family members. I believe, action speaks louder than words. I expect all the young men and women here to find such miserable women and help them turn a new leaf of life.
Widow remarriages are arranged to prevent undesirable happenings in the families of such women. Crimes against unprotected widows are heard of time and again. Such women are like fenceless pastures inviting encroachments by uncouth ruffians in society. The children of such widows are likely to go astray in the absence of a father to shield, lead and guide. Cases of infanticide would also be on the rise if women remain as destitute, helpless widows. Certain other sorts of unpleasant and inexplicable occurrences are also possible if we fail to empathise with widows or divorcees and abandon them as rudderless ships in a rough sea.
Orthodox rituals:
In the traditional system of marriages, the rituals are tedious and meaningless. A lot of time is consumed. Parents have to spend huge amounts. Inviting guests and feeding them is also an ordeal. Self-respect marriages are economically viable and quite simple. The progressive outlook behind such marriages is essential for social reformation. Hence, we propagate all these advantages for public awareness. Changes in society are not possible unless people understand them with a rational point of view. True rationalism lies in throwing overboard all the orthodox rituals imposed on us by conservative people of yesteryears.
Marriages are not ordained by any non-existing divine power. It is a bondage by mutual consent of the groom and the bride. It is enough if they are witnessed by a few well-wishers. Paying the purohits for chanting unintelligible words in an obscure language is sheer waste of our hard earned money, isn’t it? We have all assembled here merely as witness for the bondage of this couple. What more do they need besides this?
Need of Compatibility:
This means perfect understanding, togetherness, mutual respect and a little bit of compromise. Neither the husband nor the wife is inferior or superior to the other. The wife need not silently tolerate the ill treatment of the husband. The husband should never ever think that he has bought a slave or a bonded labourer to serve him throughout his lifetime. He must not be insensitive towards her natural desires, feelings and rights. This is required for compatibility in a married life.
Parents should make their daughter literate through good education. They must teach the girls the dire need of self-reliance, boldness and self-respect, above all. The daughters must not be misguided to worship the husband and keep on serving his parents. They should not consider the daughters as burdens to get rid off. Parents must realise that the daughters are not commodities for sale. They must ignore the comments of relatives, friends and neighbours and make their daughters free birds. Parents have a vital role to play in forming a society that has courageous women of rational outlook and self-respect, bold enough to fight for their right. Thanks to all the invitees here.
Source: ‘Kudi Arasu’
Editorial dated 28.09.1930
Translated by: M.R.Manohar
